A Day of Mourning
by mcl2436
Summary: The first year is always the hardest, even if you're not that maternal. A one shot of Queen Helena mourning the loss of her oldest son with the help of her daughter.


Today marked one year since her world had completely been turned upside down. Today marked one year since her firstborn son had been murdered and the world as she knew it had come to an end. She knew the lies they had told: to the public he was killed in an accident, to Liam and Eleanor he had killed himself. Only a few knew the truth, and like everything else it seemed it was just another lie she was living with. The weight of that lie was becoming harder to bare as now a year had gone by and there was still no answer for who had killed Robert.

She didn't want to be bothered, she couldn't deal with the usual chaos that surrounded the palace so she had informed her staff she would be unavailable for the day. The Queen knew the date as soon as she opened her eyes this morning, as the grief hit her like a ton of bricks. The heartache was almost too much to bare any other day, but today was seemingly impossible. So much so that it was too much effort to even put on clothes, opting instead to stay in her nightgown.

Helena knew everyone looked at her as cold and uncaring bitch, but under the façade was a mother who had lost a son. Being a mother wasn't her calling, she wasn't a big fan of children and could have lived without them. But as Queen she had a responsibility, and had suffered through her first pregnancy vowing it would never happen again. She had cussed Simon for even looking at her the day she went into labor. But the moment they had placed Robert in her arms, she understood the need to love and protect him. She had gotten it right for a few years it seemed before screwing it completely up.

A tear slid down Helena's cheek as her mind raced with memories of Robert. She remembered telling Simon how she couldn't cry in front of the people at his funeral, it showed weakness. But today in her bedroom she was allowed to. The puffy eyes and pile of tissues sitting on the table in front of her was proof.

So lost in her own thoughts, Helena didn't even hear the light knock on her door. It wasn't until she heard someone say, "mum," that she realized she wasn't alone.

* * *

Eleanor knocked gently on the door. It was so uncharacteristic for her mother's presence not to be felt around the palace that Eleanor had actually started to worry about her. Eleanor knew what the day was, but somehow couldn't fathom that the anniversary or her brother's death could be the cause of the Queens absence.

Not hearing an answer to her knock, Eleanor slowly opened the door to her mother's bedroom, and peaked her head in. She couldn't believe her eyes at the sight that was before her. There sat the Queen of England, still in her nightgown, hair thrown messily in a ponytail, makeup free, and tears flowing.

"Mum," Eleanor said quietly, as she walked into the room. Not being heard, she repeated, "Mum." She saw her mother visibly startle and turn at the sound of her voice.

"Eleanor, I didn't hear you come in," said Queen Helena as she quickly tried to wipe the tears from her eyes.

Eleanor walked until she was standing directly in front of her mother, regarding her slowly, "It's okay to cry mum. Besides, the red eyes are kind of a give away. I miss him too."

Helena gave her daughter a small smile, "I know you do, I just, it's been a year. Today is a full year without him; It hurts, Eleanor." A tear slid down the Queen's cheek as her voice cracked.

Not sure what to say, and seeing a side of her mother she rarely saw, Eleanor was overcome with desire to comfort her. "Slide over," she said as she flopped down into the chair beside the Queen.

"Eleanor," her mother drew out her name is she often did before scolding her for another one of her escapades, "this is nice,"she finished as she wrapped her arm around her daughter.

"Will you tell me about Robert as a boy?" "I mean I remember him always looking out for me when we were small, but what about before he was my big brother?" Eleanor looked at her mother expectantly, before laying her head on her shoulder.

Queen Helena was silent for a moment. "I didn't know I could feel something so strongly as I did the day I had Robert. All at once was the overwhelming desire to love and protect this thing that now belonged to me." "Eleanor, have you ever heard the story of the day Robert was born?"

A slight shake of Eleanor's head no and the Queen continued on, "Simon was away on some official something or another and had left the day before. We were 2 weeks from the due date so he thought a quick trip would be okay. I wasn't allowed to go and quiet honestly I looked like a beached whale so I wouldn't have regardless. My ankles were swollen, everything hurt. Anyways, your father swore he'd be back before the day was over. Unfortunately, Robert decided to try to beat him here." Helena said this last part with a laugh.

"Oh no," said Eleanor, "how have I never heard this before? Did dad make it back?"

A smile spread across Helena's face, "just barely." "As soon as my water broke, I had someone get me a phone to call your father at which point I informed him he needed to get back immediately or he was going to miss the birth of his son. I may have threatened him as well."

Eleanor laughed at the last part knowing all too well her mother's fondness for threats.

"Someone drove me to the hospital where I was snuck in through the back. First royal baby of the King, the crowds would have been swarming immediately. Your father got there a couple hours later. It's a good thing too, I told that poor doctor that was going to deliver Robert that I would sit there with my legs closed until Simon got there, because he got me into that mess and he better be there for the grand finale."

"Mum, you didn't."

"I bloody well did. I was so glad when Simon got there, even though I blamed him for the pain, told him he was never going to touch me again, all the things wives say to their husbands right before they give birth. But he took it, held my hand the whole way through, told me to squeeze as hard as I could." "Your father was a good man, Eleanor, and he was so proud of you three."

Helena continued on, "Simon was a natural right from the beginning with Robert. I was the one that was scared to death I'd break him. The first time I held him I was terrified, but when he looked into my eyes, I knew it would be okay."

"Robert was such a happy baby, always smiling and giggling. Then running the halls as fast as he could, playing hide and go seek with the staff. By the time you came along Eleanor, he was the proudest big brother you'd ever seen." Helena nudged her daughter, "he used to call you his baby. He was different with you than Liam, boys and their need to protect their little sisters I guess."

Eleanor wiped a tear away with her hand, "things were better when he was still here. We were a family, we were happy, or at least happier than we are now." Then barely above whisper, "I had someone."

Though it was faint the statement was heard by Helena. She squeezed her arm tighter around Eleanor and kissed the top of her head, "Listen to me, we're still a family no matter how screwed up it seems. And you do still have someone, you have me. Whether you like it or not, or want it or not. I've loved you since the day you were born and will continue to do so until I take my last breath."

"I love you too, mum." Eleanor said. "And thank you."

Wiping fresh tears from her eyes, this time due to her daughter, Queen Helena spoke again matter-of-factly, "I have no plans to leave this room today. At some point I'm going to pull out some old family photos and I'm sure cry some more. But I would love it if you would stay with me. I'll have them bring us some lunch, and more tissues."

Eleanor looked up at her mother and saw the gentle pleading in her eyes, "Sure thing mum, as long as you'll tell me some more stories about Robert."


End file.
